I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
