How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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