you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have fence marks all over my body
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
