im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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