We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
