wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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