I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
