You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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