So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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