It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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