My friends, they love my intelligence
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
