Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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