Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
