just survived the first fart of the relationship.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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