loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
