so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
