New invention idea: vibrating tampons
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
soo... how was my night?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
