Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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