So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
