The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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