my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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