wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
