First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
