I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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