AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my shit smells like andre
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
