Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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