I've blown a few things in my day
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
