Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
