You can't special order awesome
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
