And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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