so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize