just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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