I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
