btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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