I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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