Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
