Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
