Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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