I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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