You can't special order awesome
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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