just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
