What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
