She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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