what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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