omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My pussy is not your playground.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
