So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
