you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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