I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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