you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
