yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
