it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
