She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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