I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Green mimosas i think yes
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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