Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
