jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize