3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
