I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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