great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
