The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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