I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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