I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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