Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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