The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
