i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
