um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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