I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
