he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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