I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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