I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
