This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
