WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
