i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Nobody cheats on THIS.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
