im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
