And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
