Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
