Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
