we have officially lost it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
