it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The beer is more important than you right now.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
