I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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