People in love make me want to vomit
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
