Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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